My greatest fear, which was showed to me during my ayahuasca experience just over a year ago, is being trapped, controlled and manipulated. As seen through ayahuasca, it was terrifying. I felt helpless, alone, and it was the most intense fear I’d ever experienced in my life.
And so, here I am. My ayahuasca experience has turned into my reality. I am told I can’t leave my home. I can’t go in the ocean. I can’t walk on my beach. My biggest fear of feeling controlled is my current reality. This isn’t a trip anymore.
In the meantime, I’m delving into this fear. Why am I so afraid of being controlled? I was raised in the land of freedom and liberty for all. Perhaps I need to break away from my conditioned mental constructs. But that’s my journey.
However, I can’t help but feeling like I have somehow manifested this reality. That my subconscious fear, buried deep within, has outwardly turned into the global fear. All it took was one named flu virus to get us all into a frenzy and completely lock ourselves down. We are fearful of our fellow humans. I personally, am fearful of our governments. We are giving our trust to our governments who potentially have no clue about how to handle a virus. We are looking at projection charts of what could happen if we don’t practice social distancing. In the meantime, what could happen if we shut the entire world economy down for several months? Are we prepared for the rioting? Looting? Innocent people’s lives lost through crowd control? All those people who have been hoarding guns, what they are capable of if they don’t have money to buy food?
But where is this all coming from? This fear is coming from a place of scarcity. It’s coming from a lack of trust in each other as a collective, and a lack of trust that the earth is doing exactly what she needs to do in order to save herself.
Corona is not the virus. Fear is our virus. We are the virus to the earth.
We are so volatile as a species right now, and our technological connection may very well be our downfall where in a moment’s notice we take individual responsibility of sweeping a pandemic of fear to all corners of the earth with a click of “post now”. Sharing fake news, sharing “real” news, giving our opinions, expressing our negativity. We are operating as one, fearful species right now.
Let’s face it. We need to change, or die. If I have to be one of them, so be it. I’m prepared to leave this physical form and move onto the next one. Especially if this reality continues to go downhill. Why hang around in this miserable mess? There are too many of us. Too many unconscious people running on autopilot. Too many consumers. The earth thrives when species work together in symbiosis. When they don’t work together, or when they overpopulate and deplete natural resources, disease sweeps through the species, or a fire rages through. We’ve been asking for this. We have refused to listen to the signs, and so, we are finally getting our wake-up call.
Consider this – do you ever listen to your intuition? That pull that you need to be somewhere, do something, or not do something? Subtle signs are always steering you in the right direction. They are there to guide you towards your life’s purpose, your highest self. If you decide not to listen, by continuing to go down the wrong path, continuing with the same destructive relationship, habits or lifestyle, eventually you get a smack in the face. Maybe it’s subtle at first. Then maybe it’s something big like a car accident or bankruptcy, leaving you to pick up the broken pieces and start over. Many people who discover their own consciousness and spirituality will say that the devastating circumstances from many years ago where the best thing that ever happened to them. It was an opportunity to get on the right path, which never would have happened had the catastrophic event not happened.
We haven’t been listening to the earth. Devastating hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, and tsunamis are happening more frequently. Yet we continue to scurry back to how we believe things are supposed to be. We are resilient! We are strong! We will rebuild!
We have refused to change, so we are getting our big wake-up call. Our Jenga blocks are crashing down in slow motion, and we’re going to have to pick up the pieces. We’ll have to rebuild. But I don’t think it will ever look the same again.
In the meantime, we are afraid. We are hiding out in our caves, hoping it will pass, and hoping that death doesn’t knock on our doors.
As part of shamanic practice, we delve into death. We examine our own death and what it means to transition from this reality into another reality. Many people journeying with plant medicines witness, and horrifyingly experience, their own deaths, their decomposition back into the soil. They realize how unimportant they actually are as an individual. And how important it is to die in order to give back to life.
So I ask you this? What is it that you are truly afraid of within all this? Is it death? If you answer yes, then I ask you to delve into this. Why are you afraid of death? You don’t know what’s behind it. What if it’s something amazing? What if you go back to a home you never knew existed?
Are you afraid of the pain before death? Consider this; pain is an experience that we label as bad. Pain can be a master teacher. It forces us to be in the present moment. The pain of childbirth creates life. The pain of death has the opportunity to create a rebirth into another dimension.
But when we make decisions from fear it’s coming from a low vibrational place. We go against the current. We are energetically telling the universe that we don’t trust it. And so, we slip deeper into the fear. We come up with conspiracies. We start to believe that everyone is the bad guy. And we’ll end up destroying ourselves if we continue to operate from fear.
The universe is perfect, and everything is happening to help us to learn, to up-level, to become the best versions of ourselves. When we tap into that higher vibration, everything falls into place. We were so out of balance that we needed chaos and upheaval to bring us back into balance. The shamans of the high Andes call this the time of Pachacuti - turning the world upside down or turning the world right again.
Perhaps, like me, you’re not afraid of death. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of the future you are afraid of. There is a lot of uncertainty right now. If you experience fear as a feeling of anxiety, then you are projecting into the future of what could happen. Now is the time to practice being present. I invite you to take a look at your present moment right now. Are you with your family? Do you have food in your refrigerator? A bit of money in the bank? Are you safe? Are you healthy? Then you are OK.
Be prepared for the worst. Hope for the best. Stay positive. Stay present.
One day at a time.